OB Visit

Well, I am a little late in posting about my last OB visit, but oh well, who is really going to notice anyways? First off...I can't believe it is already May!! Time is really starting to fly by fast, and before I know it it will be October. I am now 15weeks 3days, and I think I am actually starting to show, depending on what I wear. I'm so glad to finally be starting to actually look pregnant instead of like I have just been eating way too many donuts! Yesterday I wore one of new dresses(so comfortable!) and you could definitely tell I'm pregnant in it. Josh couldn't keep his hands of my belly, it was so cute.
I am getting so anxious for my ultrasound on June 9, that I can hardly contain myself! I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! Up until about the last month or so, I was certain it was a boy, but now I'm not so sure. Honestly, I don't care either way. I would love another girl(keeping up with the pink and 'Princess' themes would be fun), but at the same time, a boy would be perfect too(2 of each!). So far, I am pretty even on the "old wives' tales" for predicting the gender. I know there is no merit in any of them, but it's still fun! The baby's heartbeat has been consistent with expecting a girl, and I am carrying like a girl, but my cravings have been leaning towards a boy, and so has the fact that I'm not breaking out. I would LOVE to be able to have the patience to wait until D-Day(Delivery Day) to find out the gender, but there is no way. Especially since Josh wants to find out. I can't have him knowing and not me!
Okay, so back to the visit. I can't believe I have already gained 8lbs! I was pretty surprised since I am still having morning sickness too. I know that I am within the normal limits, and I haven't been overeating or anything(some book told me most women have gained 5-10lbs by now), but when I was pregnant with the other kids I didn't start gaining weight until 5 or 6 months along! So to already be gaining weight is a little scary for me. I am now really starting to pay better attention to what I am eating. An added plus is that all I am craving is fruit! I am constantly wanting fruit 24/7 a day! I was craving ice cream, but am now trying to stay from of it. It has been hard though, because one of things that helps settle my stomach is fruity fizzy drinks. I have been getting empty calories from soda drinks. Now I am just trying to drink sparkling water with a little fruit juice in it. Normally, I wouldn't care so much about gaining a little bit of weight while pregnant, but since I'm already about 30lbs over my ideal weight, I am really trying to keep my weight gain down. I don't want to have 80lbs to lose once I have this baby!!! I am hoping to only gain 25lbs, but we will see. I am just going to try to stay healthy and whatever weight I gain, I gain. I am not going to stress over it, or beat myself up over it. I usually gain around 30lbs, so that isn't too bad. I just want to enjoy this pregnancy since it is my very last, and not stress over the small stuff. Like I said, I am just going to eat as healthy as I can, and let nature take it's course.
Back to the appointment... My blood pressure was great, which has been a bit of a worry for me since I had high blood pressure during my pregnancy with Emma(the reason I was induced). I make sure to always ask the nurse what it is, so that I know. I didn't do that last time, and I was pretty surprised when the doctor was worried because my blood pressure had been high during pretty much the whole pregnancy. It was 126/82,this time, so the diastolic(I think that's the bottom number, correct me if I'm wrong) was a tad higher than normal, but since I was nervous(I was by myself and had just been weighed, haha), that is probably why. The doctor came in and talked to me about yet another blood test that I am going to have done to check for certain birth defects(it's like the expanded AFP, but different since I had the First Trimester screen, I can't remember the name of it). Then, she gets her Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat. I am so anxious since I have yet to hear it! I have seen it quite a few times during ultrasounds, but have never heard that glorious sound. She starts looking for it, and hears mine, but not the baby's. She keeps looking, and looking, and looking. She checks where the top of my uterus is, and then tries again. Nothing. I am trying not to panic right now, and I just keep praying that she finds it. She starts to look concerned, and then says that she is just going to check it on the ultrasound machine. I can not believe this happening! In my heart, I know everything is okay, but i am still concerned. So we go into the ultrasound room, and the first thing she sees is the baby's heartbeat! The little stubborn thing was hiding in the corner, and she said that are usually right in the middle, that's why she couldn't find it. Thank you Jesus! His or Her little heartbeat was a perfect 151BPM!
I also talked to her about the possibility of a VBAC. Ever since we decided to just do a repeat c-section, I have been starting to have anxiety over it. I had a friend who had hers scheduled at 15weeks, so I was worried that my decision needed to be made now. Thankfully, it does not. She told me they don't usually schedule it until around 30weeks, so I have a good 3 or so months to fully make up my mind. Good luck. I am pretty much the most indecisive person I know, so I could have all the time in the world, and still not have my mind made up. If I could have the VBAC at the hospital I had Emma at, then my decision would be made. The problem is that I can't, so I would have to have it a different hospital, that I have never delivered at. I have also heard mixed reviews about that hospital, although my doctor assured me that it is just a good a hospital as the other one. My biggest fear though, is that I will have prepared for a VBAC, labored, and then end up needing a c-section anyways. But, that is the chance I have to be willing to take. It's just that anyone who has delivered both vaginally and by c-section, knows how entirely different those experiences are. I hated the fact that I barely got to see Emma after her birth, and that I didn't even get to hold her until 4 hours later! I hated the fact that I was in so much pain for a month afterwards, and that I was so drugged up with painkillers for the first 2 or 3 weeks that I could barely keep my eyes open. I also don't want to be away from Emma for 4 days while I'm in the hospital. I am just really confused. After watching many shows of women laboring and delivering, a c-section doesn't look too bad!! I haven't vaginally delivered a baby in almost 10 years, so I'm not quite sure how many body could handle it. But, I do remember, very clearly, how disappointed I was in not being able to deliver Emma vaginally, and that might end up being the deciding factor. Of course, after I do a stork tour of the other hospital, then I will know for sure. If I don't like it, then it will be a scheduled c-section. Of course I do realize that the baby will actually be the one that decides which way it's coming out, just as Emma decided. I labored with her until I was 8cm dilated, but she was not tolerating labor, and so the doctor decided to do an emergency c-section. Of course, she was worth all of it! I know in the end, no matter which way this baby comes out, it will all be worth it. By the time this baby is born, it will have been 2 years since we started trying for another baby. After 2 very long years, and 2 very painful losses, I am just going to be so happy to have this baby in my arms that it will not matter to me which way they come out!
So, now the countdown is 5 weeks until we(hopefully) find out if it's a little girl or boy in there! I really hope the baby is cooperative and not shy! Emma was a little shy at her 20 week ultrasound and the tech wasn't too sure about whether it was a girl or not. But, since I just knew it was, I was already certain when she said it looked like it might be a girl. I will also be getting a 3D/4D ultrasound this time(Yay!!) so we will know for sure before the baby is born. I have never had one in any of my pregnancies, so I am pretty excited about it. Plus, it will be nice for Emma to see the baby, since she can't go to any of my appointments with me. In just a few days I will have another month down, and be officially 4 months pregnant! Woo-hoo!

In Bloom...

With Spring now in full bloom, it seems as if my body is following right along with it. My belly is starting to swell, and I am now completely in maternity clothes. Aagh...the comfort of elastic waistbands and drawstring pants! But let me tell you, nothing is nearly as comfortable as the maxi dress. Boy, am I glad that this trend is in right now! More fashionable than a moo moo, but just as comfortable. I have a feeling I will be living in these all summer long. I have gotten four different ones so far, and I'm planning on getting more. Of course with the recent cool down, I am back to my maternity jeans, but I have no doubt that these dresses will be completely worn out by the time of delivery. I just love them!!
I am also starting to get a little nervous about certain things. Although now that I am entering my second trimester, and my risk of miscarriage has dramatically decreased, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sadly, it has been replaced with the acknowledgement and fear that I really am having another baby. As thrilled and excited as I am, I am also a little scared. Will I be able to put up with the demands of taking care of a tween, adolescent, active toddler and a newborn, all while recovering from a c-section? I didn't think I would be so nervous about the thought of another c-section. But I am. I am scared of being in the hospital for four days away from Emma. I have never been away from her for more than eight or so hours(that's while I was working), let alone four whole days. I am scared that I will be in just as much pain as I was after the c-section last time. Although I have heard that recovery from a repeat section is easier than a first time emergency section. I am also a little sad that Emma wil no longer be the baby, and it will no longer just be her and I during most days. Don't get me wrong, we are all excited about this baby(especially Emma), but it's still a little hard to let go. I know she is going to take on the role of big sister with complete enthusiasm and ease. Although she might need a little time to get used to the fact that mommy won't be able to jump up and do what she wants at the exact time she wants it done. But, that is an important lesson for her to learn anyways. The funniest thing is that Emma has even been pretending to pregnant too! She puts her baby under shirt and walks around saying she's pregnant. It's hilarious! I know from experience that I will love this baby just as much as my other children, and I feel so lucky that I am even able to carry him or her. After so much heartache this past year, I really never thought my dream would actually come true. I just can't wait to meet this little one that will complete our family. Yep, this will be our last baby, and I am so thankful to the Lord for bringing this baby to us.
I am also very excited because I have an OB appointent on Monday and I get to hear the heartbeat for the very first time! I have already seen it three times, but I have yet to actually hear it. This will be the first OB check up since Josh and I have been married that I will be attending by myself. We do not have a sitter for Emma and the office does not allow young children, so he will be home with her while I go. The only thing I dread is getting on that scale! I haven't gained much, but am really surprised that I have gained any at all, since not only have I been still having morning sickness, but I don't usually gain weight until the fifth or sixth month. Of course, I'm sure most of the few pounds I have gained is in my bra since I have already gone up about three bra sizes! I am not sure if it has anything to do with the progesterone supplements or not. But thank God I get to stop taking those! I have been feeling so much better. Even though I am still getting sick, I have more energy and am not having nearly as much irritability and mood swings.
So everything has been going right along as expected and I have even started feeling little flutters!!! That is the most amazing thing in the world. I just feel so amazingly blessed, and I know that seems to be a recurring theme, but I can't help it. It is the truth.

12 weeks!!

Introducing....Butterbean! I can not believe that I am almost finished with my first trimester already. Finally! I had my NT scan yesterday, and I must say that I was so incredibly nervous that something had happened to the baby between now and my last ultrasound four weeks ago. Even though my morning sickness is in full swing still, and my belly is starting to swell, I was still so terrified that I would receive not so great news during this ultrasound. But lo and behold, I got to see the most beautiful sight of my sweet little baby jumping and squirming all around! It truly is a miracle. I just feel so incredibly blessed that I don't even know what to do with myself. His(or her) heart rate was 180 BPM!! Which I actually thought was a little high, but the tech assured me that it is perfectly normal at this stage as it peaks about this time after it first started beating and then within the next few weeks will slow down a bit to around 120-160. But, we are definitely going to have our work cut out for us if this baby in utero is any indiction of what he will be like once he is born!
Now I just have to wait 8 more weeks to find out if it's going to be a boy or girl! Which actually is getting a little hard to be patient since I'm starting to get anxious to start shopping! At least I can start stocking up on diapers and wipes, and stuff like that....and I am in desperate need of maternity clothes! I am planning on buying at least one package of diapers everytime I go to the store, that way by the time the baby comes, in around 6 months or so, we won't have to buy any diapers for a while. Or at least for a few weeks....lol. I just feel like I have so much to do, and no energy to do it. I still am so tired all the time, and between me being sick last week, and Emma also, it has drained me even more. I am hoping that with my second trimester right around the corner(just 4 days away!), I will start feeling better. Or at least I'm supposed to, right? I stop taking my progesterone supplements soon, so I'm hoping that will help too.
We also are stuck on boy names. We already have a name picked out for a girl(for the most part. If it actually is a girl, we might end up changing our minds). But, since I am convinced it's a boy, I am starting to stress a little bit that Josh and I can not decide on a boy name at all! He hates all the names I like, and I'm not too fond of the ones he likes either. I am so jealous because my brother and future sister in law already have their names picked out...and she is 3 weeks behind me. I guess we have plenty of time, and once we know for sure what the gender of the baby is we can really get down to business.
So, everything is going absolutely great, and I am hoping that I can finally start to relax a bit and enjoy the remainder of my very last pregnancy. Of course, that is easier said that done, and anyone who has ever lost a baby understands this. I will never be totally at ease until this sweet little bundle of joy is in my arms. I am just so very thankful for this little miracle, and pray every day that God will continue to watch over him or her.

First OB Visit

Well, I had my first "official" OB visit yesterday. Woo hoo! I haven't made it this far, in a very long time! I was a nervous wreck, of course since this was a big deal for me. Even though we have already seen the baby's heartbeat, I have still been a little worried. This just all seems too good to be true. Anyways, we get to the appointment, and I am trying to remain calm relaxed. I called, and weighed(only 1lb gain so far, not too bad), and we go into the exam room. After waiting a few minutes for the doctor to come in, I start to feel like I need to use the restroom, but since I just used it prior to give my urine sample, I don't really worry about it too much. The doctor comes in and starts to do the ultrasound. He isn't talking, or taking pictures. I am starting to freak out a little bit. Then he tells me that my bladder is full so he can't really see anything(it is a transvaginal u/s). So, I'll need to use the restroom again. He leaves the room and I start to get dressed asking Josh what he saw on the ultrasound screen. The screen was turned away from me towards the doctor and Josh was sitting in a chair over by him, so he would have been able to see the screen. He tells me he couldn't see anything. I'm like ,"What? There was nothing there?". Then he says, "I don't know, but there was nothing there". Now, I'm starting to panic and think, "This is not happening again!". I use the restroom and use all my power to make sure my bladder is completely empty. I get back in the exam room, and the doctor comes in and starts the ultrasound again. I can hear him clicking buttons and taking pictures this time, but he still isn't saying anything! I can not breathe at this point. Then finally he asks Josh to come over by me so he can show us both at the same time. The moment of truth. Then he shows our little baby!!! Whew...sigh of relief. Our cute little baby(which resembled a gummy bear this time instead of a bean), looked perfect and had a nice strong heartbeat of 156 BPM. I am in tears at this point. But, it is measuring four days smaller(so did the u/s a few weeks ago at the perinatologist), so my due date has been pushed back. I also will not be able to deliver via VBAC at the hospital I want to deliver at, so I will be having a scheduled C-section. I have mixed feelings on that, but the only hospital that will let me do a VBAC, is not where I want to deliver. I just really don't want to be away from Emma for four days! But, it will be easier for Josh to schedule his vacation for the same time, so I guess it will have to do. I am on Cloud 9, and feel like I'm finally getting my happy ending! I guess fairy tales sometimes do come true!

Genetic Counselor Appointment

So, yesterday we had our appointment with the Genetic Counselor, and it went pretty well. First of all, my doctor told me wrong and it's not a balanced translocation that Josh carries, but a paracentric inversion. It is still a chromosomal abnormality, but totally different. It only involves one of his chromosomes(4), and even though it still has a very high risk for a miscarriage, it's not as high as the balanced translocation, so that's good. I won't really go into detail what exactly the paracentric inversion is, but it is still that he is perfectly healthy and it poses no health risk to him and only affects his sperm cells. But, the Genetic Counselor was really nice and went over everything with us and answered any questions. It was also nice to have more information. It was a little reality check though being in an office that says right on the door "High Risk OB". It's official. I will be seeing the Perinatalogist(spelling?) throughout my pregnancy along with my regular OB.
So, after we talked with the Genetic Counselor, she asked me if I have had any ultrasounds with this pregnancy so far. I told her, no. So she suggested that I have an ultrasound so that the pregnancy can be dated, and all that. Ok...panic attack! I was not prepared for the possibilty of an ultrasound at all! Luckily, I was not alone, Josh was with me. Last year, I was alone in the doctor's office when I found out I had lost my baby, not a good feeling. Anyways, Josh is trying to reassure me that everything is going to be fine. I have been having morning sickness and we have all been praying like crazy! We go into the ultrasound room, and the tech starts asking me a few questions. It is actually kind of nice already being in a high risk ob, because she is used to people like me. I am not a "normal" pregnant woman anymore. I have lost more pregnancies than I have delivered. Anyways, she tells me that she wants to take a few pics transabdominally, but that since I'm only 7 weeks along, we will see the baby better with a transvaginal ultrasound. That is fine with me, since my bladder is already about to burst! I told her the most important thing for me to see is my little baby's heartbeat. She understands and starts the ultrasound. I seriously can not breath at this point, and then she says the most wonderful words I have ever heard in my life, "I see a heartbeat!". Yes!!! Praise God!!! Butterbean, as we have been referring to him(or her), had a wonderful strong heartbeat of 125 BPM!!!! I am so unbelievably happy right now. I have been through so much to get to this point, and had doubts that this would ever really happen. So now it's official...we are having a baby!
The timing is ironic, since it has been almost a year exactly that I found out I had lost my baby. It was March 10, 2008, that my whole world was turned upside down. Since then we lost another pregnancy, and I had pretty much given up when we found out we were expecting again on Valentine's Day. Then, just about a week later we got the devastating news that my husband carries a chromosome abnormality. It has been such a roller coaster ride, and I'm sure it will continue, but at least now I can relax a bit that this baby is healthy. God is good! When I stopped trying to control the situation myself, and gave it all to Him, it is AMAZING what happened! He blessed us!!!! I truly am feeling amazingly blessed at this moment. Emma is so excited to be a big sister that she is talking about in her sleep! No joke...the other night at around 3am, I heard her saying in her sleep twice, "I'm going to be a big sister!", and then nothing. She has also been talking to the baby through my belly. It is too cute.
I have my first OB appointment on the 16th, and I'll be just about 9 weeks and I'll get another ultrasound. Then, on April 13, I'll go back to the Perinatalogist and have a First Trimester screening(blood work with an ultrasound). The only sort of genetic testing I want in this pregnancy is bloodwork and ultrasounds. I already told them I am not doing anything invasive. I told them I am not doing an amniocentisis(spelling?), or a CVS. I am NOT going to risk miscarrying a healthy baby! I am not worried about birth defects since more than likely if something was wrong with the baby, it is never even viable(that's why I always have miscarried early).
But, we are so thrilled that this baby is healthy and can't wait to meet him or her. Now, I just need to get through the next 4 or 5 weeks, then I can REALLY relax!

Surprise, surprise

Well, we finally recieved our test results, and they were not at all what I thought they would be. Everything on me came back normal, but my husband is a carrier of a type of chromosomal abnormality called a Balanced Translocation. Basically, one of his chromosomes is broken off and reattached to another one. Since all the genetic material is there, he is completely normal and healthy, and it poses no health risk to him. But, what it does affect is his reproductive cells. So in a pregnancy, we have a 50% chance of miscarrying, a 25% chance that the baby will be normal, and a 25% chance that the baby will be normal but carry the same balanced translocation. We have an appointment with a Genetic Counselor on March 5, and we will have more information then.
It is a little strange though because finally have these results has been a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Even though it is not something I would choose(obviously), at least now I know what has caused our miscarriages, and it is nothing I could control! There is absolutely nothing that I could have done to prevent them. So I can stop blaming myself and feeling guilty. It just all depends on which sperm fertlizes the egg. But the big issue right now? I am already pregnant. Surprise!! I found I was pregnant on Valentine's Day. It was a huge shock for all of us, since we were not trying. So now that makes all this a little more complicated. If I had had these results in December, I would never allowed myself to get pregnant, so maybe this is a blessing in disguise. Going into a pregnancy, a 50% chance of having a baby, is not good statistics. But already being pregnant, I am clinging on to that 50%. I have my first ultrasound on March 16, and I am praying for a nice strong heartbeat.
I did do a little bit of research, and we can have a healthy pregnancy(we have had one), but we are just at a much higher risk for miscarriages than the average couple. I did read on one website, that at some point the odds are in favor of a healthy pregnancy, and since we had two miscarriages this past year, I am hoping this is our time. So far, I am having good symptoms, so I am feeling very hopeful. I will be 6 weeks tomorrow, and so far there has been no spotting, I starting to have morning sickness, and major breast enlargment and tenderness(sorry, that is probably TMI). So that is a very good sign! The only thing I can do right now is pray, pray, and pray some more.

Update

So, we're all moved in and everything, but still have no internet hooked up! I am having some serious internet withdrawals, but I'm getting so much stuff done! I am over at my brother's using his computer to get my fix, so I thought I would update. But, the move went well, and Emma has never been happier! She is loving her new pink room, and also the fact that she can play in it all day long! Our previous house was a two story and I never did install a safety gate at the top of the stairs so she was never allowed to play in her room unless me or Josh was in there with her. She is definitely loving her new found freedom! So far so good. Josh has knocked off about twenty minutes off his commute and is really enjoying his new job site. He will be much happier when we move over there, but for now he is content.
We are finally going to get our testing done tomorrow! I am so relieved, but also a little nervous. According to certain statistics, if all of our blood work comes back normal then we only have a 60% to 70% chance of having successful pregnancy. If something is found that can be treated, then we are no more likely to miscarry than someone who has no previous miscarriages(or only one, since they are the same). So, I guess I am kind of hoping that something will come back as abnormal, but hope it is something that is easily treated(such as a blood clotting disorder). We will just have to wait and see! After my doctor gets all of our test results back then I can talk to him about what I can do to help my chances of carrying my next pregnancy to term. Please keep us in your prayers! ......and here's to hoping third time is the charm!