In Bloom...

With Spring now in full bloom, it seems as if my body is following right along with it. My belly is starting to swell, and I am now completely in maternity clothes. Aagh...the comfort of elastic waistbands and drawstring pants! But let me tell you, nothing is nearly as comfortable as the maxi dress. Boy, am I glad that this trend is in right now! More fashionable than a moo moo, but just as comfortable. I have a feeling I will be living in these all summer long. I have gotten four different ones so far, and I'm planning on getting more. Of course with the recent cool down, I am back to my maternity jeans, but I have no doubt that these dresses will be completely worn out by the time of delivery. I just love them!!
I am also starting to get a little nervous about certain things. Although now that I am entering my second trimester, and my risk of miscarriage has dramatically decreased, a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sadly, it has been replaced with the acknowledgement and fear that I really am having another baby. As thrilled and excited as I am, I am also a little scared. Will I be able to put up with the demands of taking care of a tween, adolescent, active toddler and a newborn, all while recovering from a c-section? I didn't think I would be so nervous about the thought of another c-section. But I am. I am scared of being in the hospital for four days away from Emma. I have never been away from her for more than eight or so hours(that's while I was working), let alone four whole days. I am scared that I will be in just as much pain as I was after the c-section last time. Although I have heard that recovery from a repeat section is easier than a first time emergency section. I am also a little sad that Emma wil no longer be the baby, and it will no longer just be her and I during most days. Don't get me wrong, we are all excited about this baby(especially Emma), but it's still a little hard to let go. I know she is going to take on the role of big sister with complete enthusiasm and ease. Although she might need a little time to get used to the fact that mommy won't be able to jump up and do what she wants at the exact time she wants it done. But, that is an important lesson for her to learn anyways. The funniest thing is that Emma has even been pretending to pregnant too! She puts her baby under shirt and walks around saying she's pregnant. It's hilarious! I know from experience that I will love this baby just as much as my other children, and I feel so lucky that I am even able to carry him or her. After so much heartache this past year, I really never thought my dream would actually come true. I just can't wait to meet this little one that will complete our family. Yep, this will be our last baby, and I am so thankful to the Lord for bringing this baby to us.
I am also very excited because I have an OB appointent on Monday and I get to hear the heartbeat for the very first time! I have already seen it three times, but I have yet to actually hear it. This will be the first OB check up since Josh and I have been married that I will be attending by myself. We do not have a sitter for Emma and the office does not allow young children, so he will be home with her while I go. The only thing I dread is getting on that scale! I haven't gained much, but am really surprised that I have gained any at all, since not only have I been still having morning sickness, but I don't usually gain weight until the fifth or sixth month. Of course, I'm sure most of the few pounds I have gained is in my bra since I have already gone up about three bra sizes! I am not sure if it has anything to do with the progesterone supplements or not. But thank God I get to stop taking those! I have been feeling so much better. Even though I am still getting sick, I have more energy and am not having nearly as much irritability and mood swings.
So everything has been going right along as expected and I have even started feeling little flutters!!! That is the most amazing thing in the world. I just feel so amazingly blessed, and I know that seems to be a recurring theme, but I can't help it. It is the truth.

12 weeks!!

Introducing....Butterbean! I can not believe that I am almost finished with my first trimester already. Finally! I had my NT scan yesterday, and I must say that I was so incredibly nervous that something had happened to the baby between now and my last ultrasound four weeks ago. Even though my morning sickness is in full swing still, and my belly is starting to swell, I was still so terrified that I would receive not so great news during this ultrasound. But lo and behold, I got to see the most beautiful sight of my sweet little baby jumping and squirming all around! It truly is a miracle. I just feel so incredibly blessed that I don't even know what to do with myself. His(or her) heart rate was 180 BPM!! Which I actually thought was a little high, but the tech assured me that it is perfectly normal at this stage as it peaks about this time after it first started beating and then within the next few weeks will slow down a bit to around 120-160. But, we are definitely going to have our work cut out for us if this baby in utero is any indiction of what he will be like once he is born!
Now I just have to wait 8 more weeks to find out if it's going to be a boy or girl! Which actually is getting a little hard to be patient since I'm starting to get anxious to start shopping! At least I can start stocking up on diapers and wipes, and stuff like that....and I am in desperate need of maternity clothes! I am planning on buying at least one package of diapers everytime I go to the store, that way by the time the baby comes, in around 6 months or so, we won't have to buy any diapers for a while. Or at least for a few weeks....lol. I just feel like I have so much to do, and no energy to do it. I still am so tired all the time, and between me being sick last week, and Emma also, it has drained me even more. I am hoping that with my second trimester right around the corner(just 4 days away!), I will start feeling better. Or at least I'm supposed to, right? I stop taking my progesterone supplements soon, so I'm hoping that will help too.
We also are stuck on boy names. We already have a name picked out for a girl(for the most part. If it actually is a girl, we might end up changing our minds). But, since I am convinced it's a boy, I am starting to stress a little bit that Josh and I can not decide on a boy name at all! He hates all the names I like, and I'm not too fond of the ones he likes either. I am so jealous because my brother and future sister in law already have their names picked out...and she is 3 weeks behind me. I guess we have plenty of time, and once we know for sure what the gender of the baby is we can really get down to business.
So, everything is going absolutely great, and I am hoping that I can finally start to relax a bit and enjoy the remainder of my very last pregnancy. Of course, that is easier said that done, and anyone who has ever lost a baby understands this. I will never be totally at ease until this sweet little bundle of joy is in my arms. I am just so very thankful for this little miracle, and pray every day that God will continue to watch over him or her.