Well, after months of not being able to agree on any baby names, and starting to worry that this kid was never going to have a name, I think we have finally decided on one!! We will(most likely) be naming our son, Kellan(or Kellen...we can't decide). It is of Celtic origin and means "mighty warrior". So far, our family seems to like it, and I like the fact that isn't too common, but doesn't sound too strange either. I wasn't too fond of the fact that I found out that Emma was the most popular name of 2008. What the heck? I don't know any little girls named Emma, and that is why I named her that. Oh well. I just hope when she goes to school there isn't like 10 other Emma's in her class! Anyways, I am so relieved that we have a name for this baby! I was having dreams that this baby was nameless well into it's first year of life! Now, I just can't wait to meet this little guy and hold my son in my arms!

A few pics...

OUR LITTLE BUTTERBEAN!!
He is using the placenta as a pillow! It's the fuzziness to the left. He also looks like he's smiling!

He is trying to suck his thumb


It's a BOY!! A between the legs shot!



For the rest of the pics youc an check out my Facebook page

Its a.....

BOY!!!!!! That's right! We found out today during a 3D ultrasound that we are indeed having a boy! As you might guess, Josh and I both over the moon and so unbelievably happy. I can not believe how blessed I am feeling. And once again...I was right at predicting the gender!! I have been right 4 out of 4 times. I am pretty proud of myself, thank you. So, the final count is GIRLS:2 BOYS:2. How great is that?
This was my first 3D ultrasound, and it was incredible! Although our little boy is pretty stubborn and mellow, and didn't want to put on much of a "show" for us. He moved a little bit. But pretty much just chilled out a little bit and apparently is using the placenta as a pillow! Unfortunately that caused a lot of the pictures to make his face look a little distorted and fuzzy, but it was cute nonetheless. He also kept trying to suck his thumb. It was amazing.
We go back for another at 30 weeks, and I can't wait to see the difference! We are bringing all the family along, too. But, we are so thrilled that this little boy will be completing our family!! When I get a chance, I'll try to post a few of the pics!

17 weeks!!

So, I can't believe that I have almost made it to just about the middle of my pregnancy. Time is actually starting to fly by...just a little bit. The first trimester dragged as I waited anxiously from ultrasound to ultrasound to make sure that my baby was still alive and growing properly. Now, I am about 17 weeks and everything is going just as it should be. Oddly enough for being a 'high risk pregnancy', this is the most "normal" pregnancy I have ever had with Josh. When I was pregnant with Emma I had a few episodes of pretty significant bleeding before being diagnosed with placenta previa, and then I was put on bedrest. Later on in the pregnancy my blood pressure increased, which of course is why I was induced at 37 weeks pregnant. Now, with this one, so far no bleeding episodes, my placenta is in a normal place, although it's still a little too early to tell if my blood pressure will be high again... so far, so good. My morning sickness is still lingering, but getting much better. I am no longer throwing up every day, but still have some days when I do, and still have lots of bouts of queasiness. But, it's getter better, so I'm hoping it will go away soon.
I'm trying really hard not to worry so much, but I can't really help it. With each passing week, a part of my fear goes away, but seems to just get replaced again. As the fear of another miscarriage starts to dwindle, I am also reminded of the fact that if something else were to go wrong, I might be even more devastated since the further along I get, the more attached to this baby I am. I already love this little guy(or girl) so much, that I don't even know what to with myself! Luckily, I am a woman of faith, and I have faith that this baby is meant to be, and everything will just be fine. But anyone who has ever been pregnant after a loss knows that the fear will never completely go away until that baby is safe in your arms. I'm hoping that within the next few weeks I will start to feel more fetal movement and that will help put my mind at ease. At this point, I have felt a few little nudges, but nothing consistent. I have a feeling the baby is turned inward and that is why I don't feel a lot of the movements. Once I can feel the baby moving on a daily basis, then I will be reassured every single day that the baby is still doing good. Right now it's hard because my last appointment was at 14 weeks, and I don't have another one until 20 weeks!!! The waiting makes me crazy!
It's a little hard to believe that this baby will be here in about 5 months!! After years of waiting, wishing, and hoping(and lots and lots of praying, of course)....only 5 more months to go. My mom did take me shopping this week and we bought a changing table. It's a little surreal to see it in the baby's room. I've been wanting another baby for soooooo long, that it seems very strange to actually be able to start preparing for it. Seriously, I started bugging Josh to have another one when Emma was only 9 months old! So, for about 3 years, my mind has been consumed with the wanting for another child. And now finally...it's happening! I get so overwhelmed with emotion when I really think about that. My mom and I were at lunch the other day, and I started crying! In the middle of Fresh Choice, tears of happiness were running down my face, and I felt like a total goofball. I just feel so blessed, that I am worried this is all a dream that I am going to wake out of. But as my belly swells, and I am reminded that it is real. God has truly blessed me, and I really hope He knows how appreciative I am(of course He does). After all the pain and heartbreak that I have experienced over that last 10 years, I never would have thought I could end up this happy. God sure does know what He is doing...even if we don't realize it at the time. It reminds of a Garth Brooks song. I'm not sure the exact name of it, but in the chorus he sings about thanking God for unanswered prayers. That is so true! It has been a very long and hard road for me to get to where I am today, but there is no way I would have changed it for anything! Thank you Lord, for everything you have given me. I am truly a blessed woman.

OB Visit

Well, I am a little late in posting about my last OB visit, but oh well, who is really going to notice anyways? First off...I can't believe it is already May!! Time is really starting to fly by fast, and before I know it it will be October. I am now 15weeks 3days, and I think I am actually starting to show, depending on what I wear. I'm so glad to finally be starting to actually look pregnant instead of like I have just been eating way too many donuts! Yesterday I wore one of new dresses(so comfortable!) and you could definitely tell I'm pregnant in it. Josh couldn't keep his hands of my belly, it was so cute.
I am getting so anxious for my ultrasound on June 9, that I can hardly contain myself! I can't wait to find out if it's a boy or a girl! Up until about the last month or so, I was certain it was a boy, but now I'm not so sure. Honestly, I don't care either way. I would love another girl(keeping up with the pink and 'Princess' themes would be fun), but at the same time, a boy would be perfect too(2 of each!). So far, I am pretty even on the "old wives' tales" for predicting the gender. I know there is no merit in any of them, but it's still fun! The baby's heartbeat has been consistent with expecting a girl, and I am carrying like a girl, but my cravings have been leaning towards a boy, and so has the fact that I'm not breaking out. I would LOVE to be able to have the patience to wait until D-Day(Delivery Day) to find out the gender, but there is no way. Especially since Josh wants to find out. I can't have him knowing and not me!
Okay, so back to the visit. I can't believe I have already gained 8lbs! I was pretty surprised since I am still having morning sickness too. I know that I am within the normal limits, and I haven't been overeating or anything(some book told me most women have gained 5-10lbs by now), but when I was pregnant with the other kids I didn't start gaining weight until 5 or 6 months along! So to already be gaining weight is a little scary for me. I am now really starting to pay better attention to what I am eating. An added plus is that all I am craving is fruit! I am constantly wanting fruit 24/7 a day! I was craving ice cream, but am now trying to stay from of it. It has been hard though, because one of things that helps settle my stomach is fruity fizzy drinks. I have been getting empty calories from soda drinks. Now I am just trying to drink sparkling water with a little fruit juice in it. Normally, I wouldn't care so much about gaining a little bit of weight while pregnant, but since I'm already about 30lbs over my ideal weight, I am really trying to keep my weight gain down. I don't want to have 80lbs to lose once I have this baby!!! I am hoping to only gain 25lbs, but we will see. I am just going to try to stay healthy and whatever weight I gain, I gain. I am not going to stress over it, or beat myself up over it. I usually gain around 30lbs, so that isn't too bad. I just want to enjoy this pregnancy since it is my very last, and not stress over the small stuff. Like I said, I am just going to eat as healthy as I can, and let nature take it's course.
Back to the appointment... My blood pressure was great, which has been a bit of a worry for me since I had high blood pressure during my pregnancy with Emma(the reason I was induced). I make sure to always ask the nurse what it is, so that I know. I didn't do that last time, and I was pretty surprised when the doctor was worried because my blood pressure had been high during pretty much the whole pregnancy. It was 126/82,this time, so the diastolic(I think that's the bottom number, correct me if I'm wrong) was a tad higher than normal, but since I was nervous(I was by myself and had just been weighed, haha), that is probably why. The doctor came in and talked to me about yet another blood test that I am going to have done to check for certain birth defects(it's like the expanded AFP, but different since I had the First Trimester screen, I can't remember the name of it). Then, she gets her Doppler to listen to the baby's heartbeat. I am so anxious since I have yet to hear it! I have seen it quite a few times during ultrasounds, but have never heard that glorious sound. She starts looking for it, and hears mine, but not the baby's. She keeps looking, and looking, and looking. She checks where the top of my uterus is, and then tries again. Nothing. I am trying not to panic right now, and I just keep praying that she finds it. She starts to look concerned, and then says that she is just going to check it on the ultrasound machine. I can not believe this happening! In my heart, I know everything is okay, but i am still concerned. So we go into the ultrasound room, and the first thing she sees is the baby's heartbeat! The little stubborn thing was hiding in the corner, and she said that are usually right in the middle, that's why she couldn't find it. Thank you Jesus! His or Her little heartbeat was a perfect 151BPM!
I also talked to her about the possibility of a VBAC. Ever since we decided to just do a repeat c-section, I have been starting to have anxiety over it. I had a friend who had hers scheduled at 15weeks, so I was worried that my decision needed to be made now. Thankfully, it does not. She told me they don't usually schedule it until around 30weeks, so I have a good 3 or so months to fully make up my mind. Good luck. I am pretty much the most indecisive person I know, so I could have all the time in the world, and still not have my mind made up. If I could have the VBAC at the hospital I had Emma at, then my decision would be made. The problem is that I can't, so I would have to have it a different hospital, that I have never delivered at. I have also heard mixed reviews about that hospital, although my doctor assured me that it is just a good a hospital as the other one. My biggest fear though, is that I will have prepared for a VBAC, labored, and then end up needing a c-section anyways. But, that is the chance I have to be willing to take. It's just that anyone who has delivered both vaginally and by c-section, knows how entirely different those experiences are. I hated the fact that I barely got to see Emma after her birth, and that I didn't even get to hold her until 4 hours later! I hated the fact that I was in so much pain for a month afterwards, and that I was so drugged up with painkillers for the first 2 or 3 weeks that I could barely keep my eyes open. I also don't want to be away from Emma for 4 days while I'm in the hospital. I am just really confused. After watching many shows of women laboring and delivering, a c-section doesn't look too bad!! I haven't vaginally delivered a baby in almost 10 years, so I'm not quite sure how many body could handle it. But, I do remember, very clearly, how disappointed I was in not being able to deliver Emma vaginally, and that might end up being the deciding factor. Of course, after I do a stork tour of the other hospital, then I will know for sure. If I don't like it, then it will be a scheduled c-section. Of course I do realize that the baby will actually be the one that decides which way it's coming out, just as Emma decided. I labored with her until I was 8cm dilated, but she was not tolerating labor, and so the doctor decided to do an emergency c-section. Of course, she was worth all of it! I know in the end, no matter which way this baby comes out, it will all be worth it. By the time this baby is born, it will have been 2 years since we started trying for another baby. After 2 very long years, and 2 very painful losses, I am just going to be so happy to have this baby in my arms that it will not matter to me which way they come out!
So, now the countdown is 5 weeks until we(hopefully) find out if it's a little girl or boy in there! I really hope the baby is cooperative and not shy! Emma was a little shy at her 20 week ultrasound and the tech wasn't too sure about whether it was a girl or not. But, since I just knew it was, I was already certain when she said it looked like it might be a girl. I will also be getting a 3D/4D ultrasound this time(Yay!!) so we will know for sure before the baby is born. I have never had one in any of my pregnancies, so I am pretty excited about it. Plus, it will be nice for Emma to see the baby, since she can't go to any of my appointments with me. In just a few days I will have another month down, and be officially 4 months pregnant! Woo-hoo!