17 weeks!!

So, I can't believe that I have almost made it to just about the middle of my pregnancy. Time is actually starting to fly by...just a little bit. The first trimester dragged as I waited anxiously from ultrasound to ultrasound to make sure that my baby was still alive and growing properly. Now, I am about 17 weeks and everything is going just as it should be. Oddly enough for being a 'high risk pregnancy', this is the most "normal" pregnancy I have ever had with Josh. When I was pregnant with Emma I had a few episodes of pretty significant bleeding before being diagnosed with placenta previa, and then I was put on bedrest. Later on in the pregnancy my blood pressure increased, which of course is why I was induced at 37 weeks pregnant. Now, with this one, so far no bleeding episodes, my placenta is in a normal place, although it's still a little too early to tell if my blood pressure will be high again... so far, so good. My morning sickness is still lingering, but getting much better. I am no longer throwing up every day, but still have some days when I do, and still have lots of bouts of queasiness. But, it's getter better, so I'm hoping it will go away soon.
I'm trying really hard not to worry so much, but I can't really help it. With each passing week, a part of my fear goes away, but seems to just get replaced again. As the fear of another miscarriage starts to dwindle, I am also reminded of the fact that if something else were to go wrong, I might be even more devastated since the further along I get, the more attached to this baby I am. I already love this little guy(or girl) so much, that I don't even know what to with myself! Luckily, I am a woman of faith, and I have faith that this baby is meant to be, and everything will just be fine. But anyone who has ever been pregnant after a loss knows that the fear will never completely go away until that baby is safe in your arms. I'm hoping that within the next few weeks I will start to feel more fetal movement and that will help put my mind at ease. At this point, I have felt a few little nudges, but nothing consistent. I have a feeling the baby is turned inward and that is why I don't feel a lot of the movements. Once I can feel the baby moving on a daily basis, then I will be reassured every single day that the baby is still doing good. Right now it's hard because my last appointment was at 14 weeks, and I don't have another one until 20 weeks!!! The waiting makes me crazy!
It's a little hard to believe that this baby will be here in about 5 months!! After years of waiting, wishing, and hoping(and lots and lots of praying, of course)....only 5 more months to go. My mom did take me shopping this week and we bought a changing table. It's a little surreal to see it in the baby's room. I've been wanting another baby for soooooo long, that it seems very strange to actually be able to start preparing for it. Seriously, I started bugging Josh to have another one when Emma was only 9 months old! So, for about 3 years, my mind has been consumed with the wanting for another child. And now finally...it's happening! I get so overwhelmed with emotion when I really think about that. My mom and I were at lunch the other day, and I started crying! In the middle of Fresh Choice, tears of happiness were running down my face, and I felt like a total goofball. I just feel so blessed, that I am worried this is all a dream that I am going to wake out of. But as my belly swells, and I am reminded that it is real. God has truly blessed me, and I really hope He knows how appreciative I am(of course He does). After all the pain and heartbreak that I have experienced over that last 10 years, I never would have thought I could end up this happy. God sure does know what He is doing...even if we don't realize it at the time. It reminds of a Garth Brooks song. I'm not sure the exact name of it, but in the chorus he sings about thanking God for unanswered prayers. That is so true! It has been a very long and hard road for me to get to where I am today, but there is no way I would have changed it for anything! Thank you Lord, for everything you have given me. I am truly a blessed woman.