A rough week

Even though I should be packing and/or cleaning since we are moving in just a few days, I felt the need to take a bit of a break. The past week has been a little rough on me, and not just because of the move. There are just so many wonderful, and not so wonderful memories in this house. This was our first home as a family, and it is just a little hard for me to let go and move on. My little girl learned to walk and talk in this house, and grew from a little baby to a very independent and strong-willed little girl. It was also my sanctuary of sorts after the miscarriages, my "safe haven", away from the world. Packing has also brought back a flood of emotions. I found some old cards that I had given Josh during different stages of our trying to conceive journey. There was also one that had been given to him "from" Emma asking him for a baby brother! It was really hard for me to remember how excited I was about having another baby. I had to figure out what to do with all my old maternity clothes. Do I give them away, or pack them, or keep them? I am still trying to figure that out. In the end, I decided to pack them up and put them in storage. That leaves them easily accessible(just in case), and yet out of sight so I'm not constantly reminded that I should either have a 4 month baby, or be 7 months pregnant right now.
It just all takes me back to the same question I have been asking myself for the last few months. When to try again? I have been confused on this for quite some time now. A part of me is so anxious to try again, but then that fear creeps in and takes over, and then I want to wait. We still haven't done any of our testing, so obviously we are not currently trying. I am hoping to finally go and get it done and over with next week, once we've finished moving. I have been putting it off for months now, out of fear. But with the desire to be pregnant again getting stronger and stronger every day now, I need to get it done.
In the end, I know this will all be worth it. It's just being in this weird in between state that is making me crazy! I have been feeling more and more optimistic this week, which is a really good sign. I can hear this little voice inside of me telling me "You WILL have another baby!!!". For now, I am listening to it. I have to. I have got to stay positive, for my own state of mind.